December 2009
56 posts
I don’t know what to do with myself.
Fuck.
I don’t want to restrict. I don’t want to go back to where I was before - cold, miserable, apathetic. I can’t eat, but I can’t not-eat either. What to do?
Italy, summer 2007 →
Gorgeous <3
One of the few pictures of me I actually like :)
“I just want to feel good and happy and alive”
– Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants shitty movie
Tomorrow I’m gonna start my new diet. I’m also planning on going to the gym this week, for the first time in my life. I can’t wait! I want to get rid of just a few pounds and this time, I’m going to do it the right way.
First of: I’m gonna eat lots and lots of fruits and vegetables. I am also planning on keeping my daily intake above 1000 kcal a day. My hair is still...
Going out to eat tonight with my “happy family”.
FML.
I don’t wanna die - But I ain’t keen on living either. Before I fall in love, I’m preparing to leave her. I scare myself to death, and that’s why I keep on running. Before I’ve arrived, I can see myself coming. I just wanna feel real love, feel the home that I live in. ‘Cause I got too much life, running through my veins, going to waste…
-...
Ok. I’m off to bed. Merry Christmas everyone <3
1 tag
You should know
Eating disorders are not a “lifestyle.” They are a mental illness.
Eating disorders are not diets. They are not about losing weight.
Never ask a person with an ED for diet tips or advice on how to “get” an ED, unless you are competing for the Most Insensitive Person of the Year Award.
Eating disorders are not cute, fun, sexy, glamorous, romantic, edgy, admirable, etc.
Eating disorders are not...
“Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.”
– Noel Fielding (I could have said it too, though)
“Well oh they might wear classic Reeboks Or knackered Converse Or tracky bottoms tucked in socks But all of that’s what the point is not The point’s that there ain’t no romance around there And there’s the truth that they can’t see They’d probably like to throw a punch at me And if you could only see them, then you would agree Agree that there...
“I dream for a living.”
– Steven Spielberg
Good morning!
6 tags
For my mom’s birthday, me and her went to see Avatar in IMAX 3D. It was magical! Those three hours flew by just like that. I would definitely watch it again.
After the movie, my dad and sisters joined us, and we all went out to eat. We went to this restaurant called The Taste of Africa. I just fell in love with the place the moment we stepped in. The vibe, the exotic atmosphere - not to...
5 tags
I decided to slowly cut back on food again, starting tomorrow. Just a little and step by step. I promise! It’s just that I feel extremely big and fat and my sides and hips are hurting because of the huge amount of weight I put on in such a short period.
I also really need to start working out. Or at least do something. I’ve been sitting on my ass for way too long! I’m kind of...
Happy thoughts
I miss summer
“The only thing I can control about my life is my weight. Some might say...”
– Clare Wallmeyer
Adventurer
Albanië - Andorra - België - Bosnië en Herzegovina - Bulgarije - Denemarken - Duitsland - Estland - Finland - Frankrijk - Griekenland - Hongarije - Ierland - IJsland - Italië - Kroatië - Letland - Liechtenstein - Litouwen - Luxemburg - Macedonië - Malta - Moldavië - Monaco - Montenegro - Nederland - - Oekraïne - Noorwegen - Oostenrijk - Polen - Portugal - Roemenië - Rusland - San Marino - Servië...
“If homosexuality is a disease, let’s all call in queer to work:...”
– Robin Tyler
Well I don’t feel better When I’m fucking around And I don’t write better When I’m stuck in the ground So don’t teach me a lesson Cause I’ve already learned Yeah the sun will be shining And my children will burn Oh the heart beats in its cage…
I don’t want what you want I don’t feel what you feel See I’m stuck in a city But I...
Oh last week was utter shit.
I’m definitely hoping for this week to be better. It should be. We’re only five days away from Christmas! My mom’s family is coming over on the first day of Christmas and we’re going out to eat on the second. That’s right, here in The Netherlands we have two days of “Kerstmis”. How awesome is that?
Last year’s...
It’s my mom’s birthday and once again, my dad and sisters did not buy her ANYTHING. I told my dad they HAD to get her something this time, because year after year, I’m the only one who buys presents. My family is so dysfunctional! Mom even told dad what she wanted. I told him what to buy and where to buy it. How hard is it to go out and get it?! Holy fucking crap. He is such an...
I write, therefore I am
Well of course I am. The question is: who am I?
Most of the time I’m this quiet, dull and awkward little girl. I can be shy and sweet and polite, but also highly cynical and loud. I’m very negative; a pessimist of the worst kind. I’m not into anything, really. Nor am I pretty, charming or funny. I don’t show much of myself, still I can be whiny and fake and superficial at...
To-do list for today
get dressed
go out
get a life
and oh, yeah:
Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise Black bird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see all your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free
“One day, you don’t feel like doing anything. Nothing interests you, everything...”
– Michael Ende (via strangeandstranger) (via suzywire)
4 tags
That's me, winter 2008.
Don’t ask me what I’m doing.
I don’t know
“In my opinion, the best thing you can do is to find a person who loves you for...”
– Mac MacGuff
“A winter’s day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my...”
– Simon & Garfunkel
2 tags
Snowowow
Oh how I hate it, openbaar vervoer.
En hoe kan het ook anders; er gingen geen treinen naar Leiden! Dus was ik genoodzaakt af te bellen en weer naar huis te gaan. Nóg drie weken wachten. Balen. Gelukkig kreeg ik het geld van m’n retourtje wel helemaal retour…
Toegegeven, behalve dat was vandaag een heerlijke dag. Dik pak sneeuw, helderblauwe lucht, zonnetje erbij. Gorgeous. Op het...
The Fear - Lily Allen
“Forget about guns...
“You feel as if you master everything. That you are in total control. And then,...”
– Isabelle Caro
What is wrong today won't be right tomorrow
Morgen naar Leiden. Eerste bijeenkomst-shizzle, sorry, “poliklinische groepsbehandeling voor volwassenen met anorexia nervosa of boulimia nervosa”. De bijeenkomsten vinden 1 keer in de week op vrijdag plaats. Het is een “doorlopende groepsbehandeling, waarmee de wachttijden voor behandeling zo kort mogelijk kunnen blijven”. Wat dus betekent dat het nog geen behandeling is....
Lange haren
In m’n eten, op de grond, in m’n borstel, in m’n mond, op m’n shirt en aan m’n broek maar op mijn hoofd daar zijn ze zoek.
Het blijft maar uitvallen. Om hopeloos van te worden! Dus ga ik volgende week naar de kapper. Lekker radicaal de schaar erin.
Dag, lange haren!